No embarrassment, no shame, I’m changing my mind and owning it. I’m not moving to North Carolina in October. Maybe someday in the near or far future I’ll get there, but for now NYC will remain my home.
What happened? I had all these signs and synchronicities pointing me there. I blogged about it. I visited three times (remembering all along that my teacher had said “You’ll have to visit there at least three times…”) and many people graciously invested time and energy into helping me plan my move. I am so grateful to all my friends who helped and for the lessons I learned in the process.
Western North Carolina is breathtakingly beautiful and Asheville is a wonderful city. I love the people, the mountains, rivers and the little creek on the property of the house I was about to rent.
In the end my body spoke to me and said “Something’s not right.” It’s what the body does–uses its energy centers to send us signals. In my case it was my 3rd and 4th chakras, or in other words, my gut and my heart telling me this move was not a good idea. Each time I was down there, and especially on my last trip, I felt nauseous and had a deep ache in my heart center. It just wouldn’t go away. Oh, and a four-day headache to boot. I kept trying to picture my life there but at best, I could only feel it half-heartedly (there goes the heart again).
I had semi-committed myself–called the movers, my landlord, taken up hours of other people’s time. Heck, Betty, the owner of the house had even invited my friend and I over for tea. It all seemed so perfect. Can I really change my mind?
When I landed back in NYC last Wednesday, I felt a battle being waged inside me. Was this just fear of making such a big change? I don’t think so–this Vata likes change. What about all my complaints about the city–the noise, the pollution, too many people? I suddenly remembered that when I moved here I felt I had the best of both worlds–I could have my solitude, be it in my apartment or at the park, while having such diversity and an abundance of like-minded people to connect with. I’ve put my rose-colored glasses back on, if only temporarily.
I dialed up my friend Katie Carlone, one of the best life coaches I know, (Yes, coaches call coaches for guidance!) and she helped me sort my feelings out. For the first time in days my solar plexus relaxed and I breathed a sign of relief.
I feel a bit like Dorothy, clicking my heels and saying “There’s no place like home.” I have a renewed sense of optimism and enthusiasm for what I want to do here. At least until I change my mind again. It’s all okay.