I remember when I was little, I would look up at the clouds wondering if that was where heaven is. I don’t even know where this came from because in spite of 12 years spent in Catholic schools, I never learned anything about the possibility of an afterlife. Death is such a taboo subject and the word alone seems to elicit fear in most of us.
It will soon be eleven years since I sat alone with my mother and saw her take her last breath and slip away. Back then, I had little experience or knowledge about death, but I remember having a profound feeling (while simultaneously feeling crushing grief) that I was in a place of honor to be present at her passing. Something changed in me that day.
Fast forward to January, 2010 when I began my study of energy medicine. My belief system shifted dramatically as my awareness developed, I began to meditate, and I started hearing stories of near death experiences. At the same time, I became obsessed with clouds, and even my formerly terrifying plane rides became blissful as I floated above the earth feeling like an honored guest of Mother Nature.
When my partner, Ralph, passed on (and I use this term purposely), what I experienced eliminated any doubt I may have still had about life after death. I had gone home to rest the night before, having been assured that he was getting better. At exactly 6:00 am the next morning, I bolted awake and sat up in my bed in a state of confusion. My intuition told me that something wasn’t right so I immediately got up and called the hospital. They assured me that nothing had changed – they had Ralph heavily sedated while they were clearing his lungs. I began getting ready to head to the hospital but I soon got the phone call that he had gone into cardiac arrest. By the time I arrived, they had unhooked everything and declared Ralph dead. All I can say is that when I walked in that room, I saw on his face a look of pure peace. I put my head on his still warm chest and sobbed, saying everything I needed to say to him because I knew with certainty that his soul was still with me. I tried to will him back to life, but it was his time to move on and it wasn’t my place to selfishly hold on.
I believe that Ralph woke me that morning, knowing his impending passing. The time was no coincidence – in all our years together, he would never wake me before 6:00 am even if something was wrong. He would always tell me that he knew how much I needed my sleep. I still feel Ralph’s presence – both in my dream and waking states. I truly believe that there is but a thin veil separating us and it gives me great comfort.
What motivated me to write this post was this video about Anita Moorjani that I recently came upon. I have never heard anyone speak with such eloquence about their near-death experience as Anita does. If you have a gripping fear of your own death or of your loved ones, please take the time to watch this in its entirety. I would love to hear your thoughts on this important subject.